Joined: Nov 17, 2004 Posts: 5222 Location: Tennessee, USA
Posted: Mon Jan 29, 2007 2:58 pm Post subject: 5 Levels of Hangovers
One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function
relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 cokes
And still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.
Two Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay,
but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are
chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing
around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some
definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
Three Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not
productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the
flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink.
Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy
reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet
Coke--yet you haven't peed once.
Four Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or
Else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and
Has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but
That can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. For
The ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper
cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts.
Your ass is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you
take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who
enters the bathroom.
Five Star Hangover (*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying
The employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of
Every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the
Corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the
Remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate spit
so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea
Who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any
Attempt to take a dump results in a fire hose like discharge of
alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'Floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this
'Floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds
pretty good about right now...
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK: Indubitably;
Innovative; Preliminary; Proliferation; Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Specificity; British Constitution; Passive-aggressive disorder;
Loquacious; Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
1.) Thanks, but I don't want to have s3x.
2.) Nope, no more booze for me.
3.) Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4.) Good evening officer isn't it lovely out tonight.
5.) Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.
6.) Sorry I'm being such a jackass.
_________________ http://twitter.com/HQ_Shark2th
enigma516 V.I.P. Lifetime
Joined: Feb 07, 2005 Posts: 2743 Location: Florida
Posted: Mon Jan 29, 2007 5:35 pm Post subject:
LMFAOOOOOOOOO, damn Shark, made me spit coffee all over the keyboard... _________________
Joined: Nov 27, 2005 Posts: 174 Location: Augusta, Georgia
Posted: Mon Jan 29, 2007 7:35 pm Post subject:
Now THAT is priceless, I just choked on my lunch! Good one, Really.
roo465 Moderator
Joined: Apr 29, 2005 Posts: 982 Location: ACT, Australia
Posted: Tue Jan 30, 2007 12:47 am Post subject:
Quote:
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
1.) Thanks, but I don't want to have s3x.
2.) Nope, no more booze for me.
3.) Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4.) Good evening officer isn't it lovely out tonight.
5.) Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.
6.) Sorry I'm being such a jackass.
Hahaha! I think thats one of the funniest parts.
Another thing that really sucks is when someone has a video camera, and you see footage of yourself the next morning, while hungover, doing something really stupid/embarrassing
Can you say 'I'm never drinking again'? Ha, never! _________________
FinalCloud Moderator
Joined: Nov 03, 2006 Posts: 2283 Location: Plymouth, UK
Posted: Tue Jan 30, 2007 7:47 am Post subject:
ROFL, you know what the sadest part is? Its all totally true! _________________ Chimp Tutorial
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